Sunna Arnardottir

An individual who is overwhelmed is someone who is experiencing or sensing a plethora of stressors, that it causes them to shut down psychologically and often even physically. This shut down will become apparent in the individual’s behavior, either from their mental behavior (e.g. they feel unable to speak, move, or even show a sudden surge of extreme emotions often not fitting for their current situation) or physical behavior (e.g. raised/lowered voice, avoiding eye contact, crying, cupping their ears with their hands, crouching down, walking/running away, etc.).

Please note that here, the term “overwhelm” is not used as a psychological term, but from it’s basic meaning; “to cause someone to feel sudden strong emotion” (Cambridge.org)

It is important that we all understand that an individual isn’t overwhelmed – “overwhelm” isn’t a behavioral trait or characteristic, but an experience the individual has while an overabundance of stressors are all being processed by their brains at once. It’s also important to understand that the overwhelm doesn’t necessarily happen because of a large apparent stressor – overwhelm can be activated by even the smallest, seemingly most insignificant stressor.

Overwhelm can happen to anyone. It isn’t reserved for a special few who are “weak”, “snowflakes” or “unable to handle a bit of stress”. Overwhelm can happen to the strongest person, during seemingly the calmest moment of their life.

Important

This article sets up the scenario of an individual who is experiencing severe overwhelm, but on daily basis we are more likely to meet individuals who are going through overwhelm, but showing less physical signs from it.

If there are two things I want you to take from this article it is the following:

• When faced with an individual experiencing overwhelm, remember that the situation is not about you (unless you’re the one going through overwhelm of course).
  • An individual who is going through overwhelm snaps at a simple request – it’s not the request, nor the person who made the request that is the problem, but the amount of stressors that were already in the individual’s mind.
  • When noticing an individual going through overwhelm, do not make the situation about you – you’re not helping them nor yourself.
  • When sensing overwhelm, focus on getting through the initial discomfort that often leads to detrimental behavior, and work towards lessening stressors that are causing the overwhelm.

When you notice someone going through overwhelm, focus on not being in the way, or try to support the individual who is experiencing overwhelm by ensuring their environment supports their current needs.

The safer the environment, the faster the individual can break free of the overwhelm to regain their composure, and the easier it is for them to handle later overwhelm as well. Your behavior will directly effect the individual, while the individual experiences overwhelm as well as long after the episode has passed.

Focus on being a long-term positive affect.

What is a stressor?

A stressors can be anything and everything.

If you’re placed in a situation where you need to identify possible stressors that can have negative effects on an individual who is experiencing overwhelm, keep the following in mind:

• It can be anything you can touch.
• It can be anything you can smell.
• It can be anything you can hear.
• It can be anything you can taste.
• It can be anything you can seen.
• It can be anything that changes the temperature.
• It can be anything you can think about.
• It can literally be anything and everything – including you and your presence.

So remember that what you sense as “nothing”, can be wreaking havoc on another individual’s mind, causing the overwhelm.

For those who stay away or aren’t in the way

Also known as a third party to the situation.

There is only one thing a third party has to keep in mind when an individual is dealing with overwhelm – keep all stressors to a minimum and do not become one yourself.

This means that if you’re a third party, you have no business being around the overwhelmed individual as you yourself are an added stressors, and if you absolutely have to be in their vicinity then make sure you minimize your presence as much as possible and/or at least use your presence to minimize other stressors the best you can.

Follow these steps the best you can:

• Make sure you do not stare at the overwhelmed individual.
• Keep your back to the overwhelmed individual if possible.
• Try and stay in place and keep to slow, controlled movements.
• Avoid making any unnecessary sounds – This includes whispering or fiddling with a plastic bag.
• If in a closed space, make sure to keep your distance from the individual to limit yourself as a stressor.
• Etc.

You might be in a situation where you must continue what you’re doing, e.g. at a workstation. If so, focus on your work and make sure your behavior is limited to what is necessary to see your work through until the situation has been resolved.

Be a barrier

Whenever possible, stand away from the overwhelmed individual, keep your back to them, and function as a barrier by guiding other individuals to either leave the area or to join your barrier.

The purpose of the barrier isn’t to coddle or even interact with the individual who is experiencing overwhelm. It is to create a safe space – in an otherwise uncontrollable environment – where the individual can focus on regaining their composure.

The safer environment you can create, the faster the individual can get out of their overwhelm.

For those who can support

First thing’s first – Be brutal in your assumption on your own abilities and err on the side of labeling yourself unfit to support rather than winging it. Look around and try and see if there is another individual better suited to support the overwhelmed individual than you.

If there is another more qualified person to assist the individual who is going through overwhelm, step into the role of a third party.

If there is no qualified person around and you feel you’re not up for the task, make sure the individual knows they’re not alone and focus on removing all stressors from the individual to create a safe space for them to orient themselves in; this includes removing all other individuals and/or guiding them away from the situation.

Secondly, and most importantly – Your job isn’t to be a therapist, psychologist, or even an expert in overwhelm. Your job is to be a calm fixture in an otherwise overwhelming world that the individual can 100% count on is on their side. Knowing how an individual can regain their composure while experiencing overwhelm is just a bonus.

For the individual who is going through overwhelm

While experiencing overwhelm, the mind often becomes stuck and thinking logically becomes near impossible. This is why it is suggested to familiarize oneself with behavior that can help break the overwhelm, and try and practice them in a safe space whenever possible.

Practicing means it becomes normalized for the brain to start the behavior, and practicing in a safe spaces means the brain associates the behavior with being safe.

Please keep in mind that what works for one individual, might not work for another. Some behavior might be too difficult to even try, while some might feel unnecessary. Furthermore, what works once, might not work again, so be prepared to focus on only one behavior, or to flutter through a new behavior every now and then.

Try the following behavior:

• Name the sensation you’re experiencing, not the feeling; e.g. don’t say “I feel stressed”, but say “I feel like my mind is having difficulties settling on one thought”, “my throat feels like it is limiting the amount of air I can suck down into my lunges”, or even “my lungs seem to be having difficulties to inflate properly”.
  • Once you have named the physical sensation, focus on actively going against the feeling, by taking deeper breaths, relaxing your muscles, or starting a simple easy thought your brain can focus on.
• Count three outside physical stimuli you are currently experiencing. This can be anything of how your shoes feel on your feet, how your socks are, your pants, sweater, hat, gloves, to how you experience the floor through your socks/shoes, the air touching your skin, certain smells, moisture (or lack there of) in the air…
  • After counting three, focus on one feeling, while also noting how the feeling of the other two dissipate while focusing on the one feeling.
• Count three objects of a certain color.
  • Try and see in your mind how one of those objects would look if it was of a different color, how the second object would feel in your hand, and wonder if the third object would float or sink in water.
• Count three smells you can smell – or imagine – from your surroundings.
• Focus entirely on your breathing pattern, breath deeply into your diaphragm.
  • Alternate between how you would normally breath and breathing deeply. Focus on the different sensation these actions bring your body.
  • Use your fingers and control which nostril you breath from. Alternate between breathing out of one nostril and breathing into the other – or breathing in/out of one before switching.
• Have a mantra that you associate with feeling safe and secure.
  • It can be anything from “I am safe and secure” to “Yellow polka-dotted pink elephants in a kid’s swimming pool”.
    • Rehearse this mantra any time, anywhere you feel safe to fix it’s positive meaning in your mind.
• Lower your head and close your eyes, focus on seeing your surroundings with your mind. Map out any furniture, where the people are, where a possible draft or smell is coming from, or anything that comes to mind.
  • When you open your eyes again, see what you got right, and how you got it right.
  • Analyze your own imagined surroundings – what did you miss? What did you notice and remember? What did you add? Why did those particular detils change in your mind?
• Etc.

None of this behavior will completely stop the overwhelm, nor dissipate the stress you’re under. The point behind this behavior is to get your brain to stop swimming in the overwhelm, and revert to a single, more simple thought process in order to calm it down and give you enough time to properly respond and think through your overwhelm.

Please keep in mind

As an HR professional and coach, who is educated in psychology and behavior management, I am familiar with how to talk down an individual who is spiraling due to overwhelm, and then assisting them into a safe environment where I can aid them in forming a more comprehensive plan of seeking out and receiving support for what ever larger issue is at hand;

And what I’ve learned through the years is that the better prepared all my employees are, the easier it is for an individual who is battling overwhelm both in the moment, as well as to push back against the larger issue long-term.

This article was written to help us all understand that when an individual is experiencing overwhelm, the better everyone around them can control the environment and limit all stressors, the faster – and safer – the individual will be able to gather their composure again. It’s important that we all understand that overwhelm is not a personality flaw, but a reaction to too much stressors being processed by the individual at the same time. An individual is affected by the overwhelm, but helping them work through it safely – sometimes even by doing absolutely nothing – is a collective effort.

Have you experienced overwhelm and know tips and tricks on how to deal with it? Please don’t hesitate to share your experience!