Codependency is defined as being a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where one person sacrifices their own needs and well-being for the sake of the other (psychologytoday.com).
The definition of codependency should be taken further, as it is important to understand that codependency is neither a disorder nor even a personality trait or characteristic.
Codependency is a behavioral pattern an individual shows in order to protect themselves when operating within a detrimental settings.
What is codependency?
Codependency shows an imbalance within a relationship, where one sacrifices their needs and well-being for another. This often becomes apparent in how one is constantly justifying, or even rectifying, detrimental behavior from the other.
Codependency is one person trying to control and sway the detrimental settings they are in, even how others perceive them. Instead of tackling the detrimental situation, codependency enables the detrimental settings to not just persist but to even escalate.
Symptoms of codependency
Codependency can be a behavioral pattern an individual has learned from detrimental settings in their personal lives, but can also be a behavioral pattern that is being pushed for by their immediate surroundings, often in the form of workplace culture.
Individuals who are used to showing codependency fall easily in line with a codependent workplace culture and quickly become sycophants, whereas individuals who are not accustomed to codependency will experience uneasiness that they associate with the employer.
Symptoms for individuals
Codependency as a behavioral pattern can be seen with individuals, for example as:
- Difficulties in communicating own needs, opinions, and even wishes.
- Refusal in attending to own needs, opinions, and wishes.
- No personal values, or follow through on such.
- The need to help, or feel needed.
- Little to no boundaries.
- Difficulties saying “No”.
- Low self-esteem.
- Etc.
It’s important to remember that codependency is not about helping or supporting others, but is a form of self-appeasement and control, initially brought on after the individual is subjected to detrimental behavior from others.
Individuals who are deeply entangled in codependency are often seen as having a near pathological need to be helpful or needed by others, even despite others requesting no help and even asking the codependent individual to stop their helping. A codependent individual who goes to such lengths can thus be seen as being “depended on being depended upon”.
Symptoms for workplaces
Codependency is a behavioral pattern seen in individuals, so to assess if a workplace is governed by a codependent culture it’s important to view behavioral patterns from the whole. Signs that can indicate a codependent workplace culture are for example:
- Little to no acceptance, respect, or support for employees’ boundaries.
- Too many obligations or tasks per employee, often even tasks outside of their purview.
- Need for control from management, micro-management.
- Fear of conflict.
Employees who will show difficulties in adapting to the codependent workplace culture will be perceived as being difficult, and will be handled as such by the employer – refusal to accept responsibilities outside of one’s purview, or even simply from questioning the employer can result in reprimands and even termination.
Even employees who adapt to the codependent workplace culture will still be seen at fault for showing codependent behavior. This means that if an employee continuously accepts new tasks that are outside of their purview the employee will be faulted for incompetence, and if the employee accepts too many tasks, the employee will be faulted for not meeting deadlines – despite the employee not having a choice in the matter.
How to tackle codependency
Codependency as a workplace culture can only be tackled top down. This means that no matter how well prepared and empowered individual employees – and even groups of employees – are, they will not be able to change the culture without management’s full cooperation on the matter.
Even if individual employees, and groups of employees, are unable to tackle the codependent culture, it is important that individuals learn about their situation and how to properly tackle it head on – not in order to fix it, but to shield themselves from the detrimental effects the situation will have on them.
Employees can push for changes in the culture by working together as a single coherent unit, by systematically reporting the situation and demanding change.
However a change in the workplace culture will have to happen top-down, which means that if the employer is not willing to change the culture those who actively go against it can expect retaliation in form of reprimands and even termination.
Slides
- Codependency in the Workplace.pdf (slides)
